First of all, let me start off this letter by telling you that I love you both very very much. Also, I am sorry for giving you this news so close to Christmas. I will just come straight out and say it, like ripping a band-aid off.
I have fallen madly in love and am eloping.
Now I know there may be some crazy thoughts running through your head right now, and you may be super mad at me, but just remember. I'm a smart boy and have everything figured out!
First of all, let me tell you about her, because I'm sure you want to know. Her name is Heather and she is the most amazing person I have ever met! Not only is she the most perky and beautiful thing I have ever seen, but her passion for marine animals cannot be matched by any person place or thing. She is hilarious and every minute I spend with her is just plain ol' awesome.
Now you may be wondering how we are going to start our life off. Well like I said, I have everything covered. With a loan that I got from some scary men in an Italian restauraunt, I bought an awesome RV. It's perfect! It runs good and has room to sleep 6! Perfect for the big family were looking to start! We are going to drive way up north and live in a really nice trailer park we found online. The guy on the phone said that we could even stay for free if I clean up the bathrooms at the truck stop in town.
But of course I don't want to be a janitor for the rest of my married life. I have plans to start a business! With almost two years of business school under my belt, I really feel like I can start something awesome that can turn us into millionaires. Heather is pretty excited about the idea of us being rich too. I will start a restaurant using the kitchen in the RV. Basically a fry shack. This way, Heath and me can essentially eat for free! We will make the best greasy burgers and fries. I'm sure we will get used to the fried smell in our home, clothes and hair and I mean it's a small price to pay for happiness.
I might need you to send money from time to time considering we both don't really have any right now, but consider it our wedding present. Our cell phone has a little camera and we can email you some pictures of the ceremony. Right now were considering two places. The first is appropriately named "Wee Kirk o'the Heather Wedding Chapel" in Vegas (http://www.weekirk.com ) and the other is Two Hearts Wedding Chapel in Niagara falls.(http://www.twoheartsweddings.com/) If we go to that one, you can come. But were really considering the one in Vegas. It will kick off our life together in style! The nice owner, Fernando, said that he could cut us a deal because we are Canadian. We are thinking about doing the internet wedding which means that you can live stream the event from the comforts of your computer in Niagara or possibly the cheapest Elvis package which includes the following:
Ceremony in Historic Las Vegas Wedding Chapel
Elvis Can Walk Bride down aisle
Elvis sings 2 songs
Photos - receive on a CD - the digital images of 5 candid photos taken during your ceremony along with the photographer copyright release
Souvenier Wedding Scroll
Use of Bouquet
Limousine Service Available**
Man that sounds like the dream wedding I have had since I was a little boy! Heather is going to be so proud of my planning (web-browsing) skills! Take a look at the website and if you want to upgrade us to the "All Shook Up" package, we would not object.
Love your one and only son,